Love Thy Partner

Mrs. Blue

Since this is a blog about partnership then I would like to start it with loving your better half. Here’s a famous sample vow: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my [opt: lawfully wedded] (husband/wife), my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live. Some of you may have used this actual vow or made your own and however it was I am sure it meant so much between the two of you at your wedding day and I hope until this day. As the years go by I am hoping that you are as excited to hurry home and spend time with your spouse and family. Talking with my spouse is one of the joyful benefits I share in our marriage. Going through the daily grind in life, it is comforting at the end of the day to talk with my husband. The conversations range from silly babbling to serious decisions or concerns, and mostly about the funny escapades of little Ms. Pink. Whether I am excited to share some great news or releasing my stress I am secure that he is always there to listen. I tell him everything, his opinion matters so much to me; he eases out my insecurities and understands my fears. Our decisions are a process of talking things through, weighing and sharing our responsibility together. It touches a nerve whenever I hear – “I’m still talking to my wife even when she has passed away”. I don’t even want to think that either one of us would die soon but the line resonates how much a couple feels about each other. Marriage is sharing everything, going through everything together and I think that is what God says “and the two shall become one flesh” Mark 10:8a

Love Love Love

Mrs. Blue

Introduction Since it is the month of love I want to write a series of blogs regarding – LOVE. To start off I would like to lift a famous verse from the bible: “Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, 13) Love comes in different forms, with people, in relationships, under circumstances, spanned time, continents, even imaginations and history. We have cheered, condemned, laughed, gossiped, cried, and intrigued about love. Much has been written in fiction or in real life. In fact some stories don’t seem to be complete until the love element is included within the plot. At the beginning of time it was the love of a creator that fashioned us into the same being. The love of the first man to his wife that gave the first scandalous plot with a fruit mixed into it. At the end of it all, it is still that same perfect love that will save us. Wouldn’t you agree then that LOVE does make the world go round?

9-ball, Corner Pocket

Mr. Red

A True Friend Did you know that I just love playing billiards?  I’m not that good but I do have a passion for playing it.   I enjoy the challenge of finding out how to hit the cue ball and discovering how the balls roll and behave as they run and bounce against the rails of the billiard table. What makes me like playing billiards most of all is being able to play with a very good friend. I used to play with a good friend of mine and we played a lot!  We were single then, so we had loads of time to play against each other.  Whenever we can, whenever our schedules permitted it and whenever we had money to spare, we head on over to the nearest and best billiard hall we can find and spend hours playing.  There were even times when we played for more than 24 hours! While playing though, we would discuss about a ton of things.  We would talk about girls we liked, how we would approach them and woo them, we would talk about the news and debate each other’s political views, we shared jokes and laughed at each other’s embarrassing moments… but most of all, we would talk about…  tadaaa….  Theology! Yep!  You read that right.  We talked about theology a lot while eating a plate of peanuts and drinking some soft drinks.  Yep.  You read that right again.  We both don’t drink beer or alcohol – and we are non-smokers. Well, I lost touch with this friend of mine for many years owing to the fact that I transferred to a different city and sad to say… because I was avoiding him. You see, I did a very bad thing.  It was so bad that I don’t want to mention what it was nor share with you its details here.  Maybe someday I will, but not now…  maybe never.  To make a long story short, I thus avoided this friend, fearing not only his disapproval but his condemnation of me and of what I did. I told myself, it was over.  That non-communication equates to the death of our friendship. A lot of things have happened since then.  Transferred to different places, changed living conditions, etc.  Until we finally settled to our current location.  We’ve been staying here at our place for more than 2 years now and I haven’t met anyone I’ve known before.  It’s hard for me to make friends nowadays since I spend most of my days at home taking care of our daughter, doing chores, and if I’m fortunate enough to have a new client, working online. One night, I was praying to God to give me direction with regards to my life and my family.  I was down and troubled and at my wits’ end with regards to our financial situation.  The following morning, I was taking Little Miss P to school when I heard someone call me by my nickname.  I turned  around and guess what!  It was him.  My best friend. It just happened that he and his wife (yes, he’s married now) just live beside the school where my daughter was studying.  To top it off, his wife is a  teacher at the school where Little Miss Pink was attending! It’s been eight years since we last met so we made a date and decided to catch up.  We had a long talk and it was a good one.  It turned out that he was looking for me.  His wife told me that he hasn’t stopped talking about me through the years.   What made it all such a blessing was finding out that he didn’t condemn me, and neither did he hate me enough to end our friendship.  Instead, he recognized that I was moving forward with my life and was taking steps of faith, a little at a time.  He prayed for me and my family. Maybe it was just coincidence that God brought me and my family to this city where we live.  Maybe it was also coincidence that he brought my best friend to live in this city as well.  Maybe it was coincidence that Little Miss Pink studies at the school where my friend’s wife is a teacher.  Maybe it’s coincidence that I met my friend the morning after I prayed to God to help ease my burden.  We’ve been living 2 blocks away from each other for 2 years and never knew we were close to each other. Yes.  Maybe it’s just coincidence. I believe, though, that it’s providence.   "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend."  Proverbs 27:17 (NLT) Amazing Billiards in Super Slow Motion

Having fun with games

Mrs. Blue

Games One of my favorite pastimes is playing games, whether it’s on a game console, online gaming on the laptop, games on FB and even on the phone. Technological advances have given us gamers a variety of great choices.  There is a wide selection of games and you can even pick and choose how to play certain games.  The war of game consoles to give high definition quality, larger disk or memory capacity, cutting edge effects, louder and crisper sound effects and music, dramatic and bigger explosions, touchscreen capability, skins, etc. keep pushing the gaming industry forward.  They’re even developing technology that lets the person be the controller, if not the console itself.  Coming from playing that ping pong game on a DOS system with a green background to a very accurate first shooter sniper game – gamers have truly come a long way. There are also different genres of games – sports, shooting, driving, fighting, combat, and my favorite: RPG – horror RPGs to be accurate.  Nothing excites me more than playing at the wee hours of the morning when I plug in the headphones, sit in the darkness with only the eerie light coming from the screen and feeling the  controller slowly vibrating as unspeakable terrors unfold right before my eyes. It’s like reading a really good, scary novel or watching a movie – but the best part is: I am part of the story. Modern video games allow such a range of possibilities – driving recklessly in a dream sports car 160 mph with amped music, choosing to become your fave hero and save the world again and again, travelling the world as an adventurer seeking hordes of treasures, being a farmer and watching your plants grow, dancing yourself silly to the latest hip music, dodging bullets and rockets as an agent out to destroy any government you target, exploring the universe with your alien friends, commanding thousands as a Roman emperor or general set on conquering continents, being a chef, a thug, a dinosaur even a plant fighting zombies – play it by yourself or with a team.  The prospects are endless enough it can last a lifetime. Yet like any other pastime – it’s a form of relaxation, a stress reliever.  But to be honest, when the game is new, it’s so exciting that I forget the time and I get so engrossed with everything in the game. Exciting as it is to escape into those worlds, I put the game down to play tea with my Miss Pink or share a meal or watch DVD with my family, talk nonsense with my husband, go on a tickling spree with Ms. P or simply go out and take pictures of an amazing sunset. The point is: games will undoubtedly be improved in ways I can’t even imagine, yet life still takes my breath away with simple yet important things – better than any game played or invented.

Where the heart is

Mr. Red

Going Home When I was a child, I loved to play outdoors.  I was my parents’ only child until I was 7 years old when my brother, and later my sister, came along.  So I grew up used to playing by myself during my formative years.  That doesn’t mean that I didn’t want to play with children my age.  On the contrary, I loved to play with the neighborhood kids!  In fact, whenever I was allowed to go out and play, I’d make the most of it by staying out as late as possible. We had maids back then and sometimes I get them into trouble.  Both my parents were out working most of the time and I was entrusted into their care.  They made sure I went to school, had a packed lunch, get home safely, take a nap, play outside, took a bath, and later in the evening get me ready for dinner.  They clothed me, bathed me and fed me.  With this kind of pampering, it was not hard to think of me as a brat.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m the typical nerd even when I was very young; but nerds can be bratty too.  So there were times when the maids were calling me to go home and take a bath, I would hide from them by going into our neighbor’s house – often inviting myself over for dinner. The maids often got scolded because when my parents would ask for me,I was still dirty from playing outside and haven’t taken a bath. Well, one time, one of the maids got fed up.  One day, my parents had to go somewhere and were going to come home late.  I was overjoyed when I found out.  I planned to stay out for as long as I wanted.  Which I did.  Finally, when it was time to go home, this maid came to me and told me that playtime was over and that I needed to take a bath.  The usual routine, you know.  I didn’t listen.  She was cool about it.  She left me alone playing with the other kids and she didn’t make any fuss about it.  She simply went back inside the house and closed the door. Needless to say I had a blast!  I played hide and seek with my friends, played tag and bragged about owning the moon (which I may cover in another post). It was getting late.  One by one all the kids started going home.  I was enjoying myself so much I didn’t notice I was the only one left outside.  I also noticed that I was very, very hungry.  Dirty, exhausted but happy, I sprinted (I miss those days when you just had a lot of energy) back to our house. The door was closed and locked from the inside. I knocked and called one of the maids to open the door, yelled that I was now ready to go back inside. No response. I knocked and knocked.  Nothing but silence.  I was starting to panic.  I knocked harder, shouted harder but to no avail.  They weren’t going to let me in.  I started to cry.  Nothing.  I cried harder.  Still nothing.  It was really getting dark and I was getting scared; I didn’t know what to do.  All the neighbors were already asleep.  So I just stayed there, in front of the door and sobbed.   It was only a few minutes, though I believe it seemed like eternity for me, when the door was unlocked and I was allowed to go back inside and get cleaned up, eat and sleep. I learned some lessons that day, that night. You see, no matter what we do (though there may be exceptions out there), we always want to go home, need to go home.  We need to go live in a place where we are accepted, forgiven, cared for and cared about. How are you today?  Like me, have you been spending too much time out in the world that you’re starting to feel cold and tired?   You may not admit to it, but are you scared?  Or maybe you are at odds with someone back home and you’re afraid that they don’t want you back?  Well then, there’s no better time than right now to go back and be reconciled.  Who knows?  Maybe they’re just waiting for your familiar knock on the door. If you’re burned out because you’ve been working hard.  Go home.  Relax and be at ease. If you’re lonely and don’t know what to don on a Friday night… Go home and be comforted. If you think no one understands you, and your friends have deserted you, and you’re scared your family won’t take you back…  Go home and be forgiven. Go home and be at peace. Go on. Go back. Go home and be loved. (If you have time, read Luke 15:11-32)

Little Miss Pink

Mrs. Blue

Little Ms. Pink I mentioned earlier that we have a little daughter.  We have decided to call her Ms. Pink or simply Ms. P – she is thrilled with the nick.  Since the blog is also a testimony of our life ,it is expected that Ms. P would be an integral part of the blog. Current ambition – Chef Difficult subject – Filipino Challenging feat at the moment – saying words with ‘th’ since she lost all four front teeth Favorite game: Spongebob (TV show also) Your world is a hue of pastels in gold and pink and lavender blue Your eyes are deep innocence Your kisses the lightest of a butterfly’s wings Your laughter the chimes of cherubs Your cry as fresh as the new sunshine We love you so much it feels like our hearts will break You believe in magic but you are the magic In your world of pastel hues of gold and pink and lavender blue We are lost as we enter anew

Poisons and Passions

Mrs. Blue

Mr. Red

What’s your poison? I know this topic is going to be a challenge for Mr. Red since he has no known poison. Out of curiosity I would like to know if he would write a mirror post on this. We have agreed when we started this blog that we would blog side by side on some topics but on some other interests we can blog it individually – like I don’t know he might want to blog briefs or boxers and I can blog about menstrual cramps. But at the main blogs we agreed to give a point of view on each side. Like I said, he has no vices at all. He doesn’t drink, smoke, doesn’t do drugs and does not even like beer. We are totally on opposite poles on this.  I on the other hand had done or tasted all of the above and liked doing it at that time.  I never hid it from him but when we got together, I promised that I wouldn’t do any of those vices from then on. A little beer he allows or some wine and it’s understandable. I was curious at first at how square one could get; but, like he simply put it – it’s not that he was pressured into not doing it. For him it just wasn’t fun. Which brings me back to my question – what is your poison?

My passions are my poisons. Mrs. Blue is right.  I never was predisposed to drugs, cigarettes and alcohol.  For the life of me I honestly don’t know why.  Maybe it’s because I disliked seeing people act when they’re drunk, coughing while smoking, or not being in control of their speech or actions when they’re high. Instead of indulging myself with the mentioned vices, I enjoy myself with my passions.  Which is probably a good advice to those who are suffering from alcoholism, smoking and drug addiction.  I enjoy playing chess, playing with my guitar, and spending hours on video games. Ahhh, but looking at what I have just typed, it seems that overindulging in my passions could lead to a form of addiction itself.  I think that’s why the Apostle Paul said that everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.  Overindulging in one’s passions can lead to an unbalanced life, much like indulging in the aforementioned vices. Which brings me to my last passion – girls.  But with Mrs. Blue around, (and I’m not sure if this is grammatically correct), she is all the women I need.

Modern Families

Mrs. Blue

Mr. Red

Changing roles in fast times Most have grown up or have been led to think that a family consists of a dad, mom and kids. At the start of the day mom cooks breakfast, everybody sits down, then kids and the dad troop out to go to school and office.  Mom gives everyone a kiss, rosy cheeks and all.  I’ve got nothing against this norm; in fact, it’s what everybody’s been patterning their family into.  In our case, it isn’t ‘normal’ at all given that scenario.  I go to work, as in wake up and do the whole 9-hour shift and at very odd hours; so you can throw the cheeky breakfast out too.  My dear Mr. Red takes care of the kid, does the household chores, runs the errands but plays the PS3 instead of watching soap operas.  Mr. R gets projects via work at home jobs until he gets a steady employer.  It’s been the set up ever since our little girl came; not that we planned it.  Just like everything else we were thrown into it. I know of some other families with different arrangements – kids staying with second of kin, single parents, mixed marriages, interracial, long distance family relationships, extended families, etc.  Yet we cope as a basic unit.  It’s still family and in the end it’s our home.  Doesn’t matter if it’s a dozen or just a tandem – you will find your heart with family.  It is true when they say that you get to choose your friends but not your family; I believe there is a good reason for that.  In the sum of things, who you are – whether you would admit to it or not, the most influential people is your kin.  It is your first intimate encounter with relationships.  With that, I am hoping to find you in a “normal” relationship with your own family.

Families – at home, at work and online As Mrs. Blue has intimated, the structure of the modern family is far more complicated today than the traditional model. Families who own and operate their own businesses are not rare.  Since the dawn of time, fathers have been known to pass down to their sons and daughters their skills and trade.  But since the advent of the industrial age all the way to our modern informational, digital age, there have been great changes.  Sure, there are still those who want to pass on their skills and trades to their children; like doctors encouraging their daughters to become doctors themselves; lawyer parents trying to inspire a son to become a well-known and well-respected lawyer, etc.  There are also those who own good businesses that have survived through the generations and will undoubtedly continue to do so. But what I find very interesting is a family working as employees for one company.  I’ve heard that there is a family, composed of a father, mother, sons and daughters who work for this one particular corporation.  Wow!  Imagine seeing them happily eating their lunch at the cafeteria!  It’s just a wonderful to know that family unity and love can be seen at the workplace. The internet and social media sites also have changed the way family members interact with each other.  It’s just magnificent to see a mother commenting on a daughter’s picture from Brazil, a son’s video from Japan, all posted on Facebook.  They’re not together, and yet not really apart. Families.  There indeed have been changes through the years, yet the love within stays the same.

My Online Emotional Affair–How We Survived It

Mrs. Blue

How it Started The online EA started when I was playing this game via FB. It was a team game and I was getting to be good friends with a particular group. It was still a healthy game when I was chatting and just playing. To get help with it, I picked someone from the group that was good at that game – and he was a guy. At first, it was just sort of a mentoring kind of relationship to get my game better. Eventually we were spending more time with each other than with the group. Then it became personal when we started sharing details about our own lives. I was spending more and more time with this person. I was looking forward to our time together and before I knew it, we weren’t just saying good night politely but it started with a heart emoticon. Next thing I knew we were blowing kisses at one another and the emotional floodgates opened and it became an online emotional affair. The Confrontation When I was first confronted by my partner I was clueless as to where he was coming from. I adamantly maintained my innocence. I was thinking he was joking about the whole thing. I was thinking even when my “friendship” with this other guy was going on, my marriage was still great. We were still having great sex and still very much affectionate with one another. In the next weeks that i would go online and my husband would ask about the other guy online I would get so annoyed and we started to fight about it. I claimed it wasn’t for real. For me at that time it was just a person who I was flirting and enjoying playing games with. We were now arguing every time I got online and I saw that he was getting devastated by what I was doing. I started to feel guilty and bad because my “real” relationship was going bad over my fake one. I felt resentful also for my husband not being to understand that it was harmless; yet I felt that I craved talking to this other person. Whenever I went online then, he would leave. He couldn’t stand being in the same room. He said he couldn’t take me screwing with another person while he was in the same room. I was still making excuses. I was now telling my online partner about my problems at work and he was so supportive. I never brought home my problems from work because I did not want to stress my husband about it. The Last Straw One day my husband finally laid it down on me hard. He gave a detailed rundown on why it was hurting him and he begged me to end my affair and get back to him; to how in love we were with each other. He made me choose between him and the other guy. It wasn’t so hard to choose for me. I really love my husband but it was really hard ending the affair. I realized how hurt my husband was and I knew that I had to end the affair. It was hard because I was so dependent on the other guy. I needed to tell him my problems, I needed to feel him caring for me, I needed him listening to me and him talking to me. I realized then it was an affair because our feelings for one another was so real. When you start thinking about being together with him physically, then your real marriage is in trouble. We were even starting to have “plans.” The Way Out The first step I believe is the confrontation and making your wife realize how hurt you are and how much it is destroying your marriage. The second is, you have to make her realize she has to choose. As long as I thought my husband could take it – I wouldn’t have stopped. The third and most important part is her support from you. My husband didn’t push me, instead he supported me – he prodded and listened to the things I needed and enjoyed with this other man. When he knew I was talking about my problems – he wanted to know them and help me with my problems at work. He was more gentle and patient and attentive to my every need. The less dependent i was of the other man, the more I became convinced that it wasn’t fair to any of us. The thing I also appreciated much from my husband was he still trusted me even when i had already betrayed him and that he never involved anyone else with our problem. I know if he involved any other of our friends or relatives I would have reacted differently – more defensive and it would be harder to resolve the conflict. He was just patient and waiting and was there all the time. At times when I felt he wanted to fight with me he courted me instead. I felt so guilty, my husband didn’t need to do this but he won me back by proving he loved me that much and our marriage was worth fighting for. The communication was also constant – it’s also essential because my husband did not only know things but we both realized what was lacking in our marriage. Don’t stop talking even when you’re both emotional and confrontational because at least things will get exposed. Then after patiently waiting he asked when I was going to end it – we pegged a specific date and planned how to end it. In our case since my online guy was also jealous and suspicious, we had to be careful. We decided to close my FB account without him detecting anything. We started telling all my friends that I was deleting my account and opening a better one. We started migrating “chosen friends” – we made sure we did not include friends that knew the other guy. When the day came I went online like any other day and when we said goodbye we deleted my account. A Stronger Union Up to this day I never went back. i still think about it but my husband is all I need. I had cut all communication with him and ended it. Today our marriage is a stronger and we learned a lot from that experience that improved our relationship for the better. (To view an earlier related post by me and my husband, click here.) (In keeping with the spirit of Keeping The Gloves On, I kept the gloves on. – Mr. Red)

My Boyfriend is My Husband/My Girlfriend is My Wife

Mrs. Blue

Mr. Red

The Boyfriend Experience (BFE) No matter the length of a relationship – romance is a big factor in a couple’s life. As the years go by we get familiar with our spouses and sadly take them for granted. To guard against stagnation and the dragging routine of everyday life, a couple needs to experience those same feelings and motions like at the start of the relationship.  Courtship and romance go hand in hand and it can be done even when couples have been together for a year, 10 years or even a hundred; with small children, teens or even with grandchildren; in good financial standing or even eating the crumbs from the cookie jar. Your romantic liaison with one another should never be shaken. Your partner should always be as a fresh rose every morning of every day. That tempting red juicy apple that had stirred you of your inhibitions and made you do things you had only imagined should always be within reach. I have heard somewhere that: “Men fall in love with their eyes and women with their ears.” My husband, no matter how he tries to flatter me. “Honey, you look really sexy today!” or “I just want to tear your clothes!” He still stirs something in me and still makes me flush at his words. He still croons melodies and sweet nothings in my ear. He used to buy me food, now he cooks – and this is a sure winner for me 🙂 He never fails to kiss and hug me every time I come home or go off to work. We lick chocolate and stuff off each other’s fingers. The sexual tension. Sometimes I even catch him looking lovingly at me when I sleep, with drool and snoring and all. When we can, we date and when we can’t, we make it up with great sex. This is the boyfriend experience any wife needs – attentive, sweet, always ready to comfort you, eager to kiss you all over, eyes that hunger for you. Surely, no wife cannot resist but to fall in love with her boyfriend/husband over and over again, everyday.

The Girlfriend Experience (GFE) GFE stands for Girl Friend Experience.  Often, when a man hires a prostitute, the girl merely goes through the sex act without any emotion, most of the time simply laying down and let’s the man does his thing.  To her, she is simply providing a service.  She doesn’t have to like it.  A prostitute who offers GFE however, interacts with you.  She laughs at your jokes, asks about your day, flirts with you, touches you sympathetically as you share your problems, in short – she pretends to be your girlfriend for the time you hired her.  A film directed by Steven Soderbergh starring adult film star Sasha Gray was released in 2009 with the said title, “The Girlfriend Experience.” What does this mean for men? It means that many men really want companionship together with sex.  They don’t want a robot or some anatomically correct, adjustable, customizable doll made from Japan (though there are men who prefer those).  The bottom line is that sex just for the sake of sexual gratification is not enough.  Men need meaningful relationships with women.  Men with their seemingly stern façade really have tender hearts within. Men don’t need to look far. Men don’t need to hire an escort/prostitute to have a GFE.  They just need to go out there and look for the girl who’s right for them, if they’re single that is. Married men, on the other hand, already have their wives.  Make them your confidant, your best friend.  If you’ve lost that spark in your marriage, just treat her like your girlfriend from way back in college.  Tickle her, kiss her, confide in her and watch the flames of romance ignite once more. Also, don’t be afraid to tell your sexual preferences and fetishes to your wife.  You might be surprised at what she may be willing to do for you.  Give her enough time and money to go shopping so  you both can enjoy a good romantic meal, share stories while appreciating her new hairdo, and watch and enjoy her as she teases you flaunting her newly-bought classy dress and her fishnet lingerie. Don’t just let your wife be your wife, let her be your girlfriend too! (By the way, BFE means Boyfriend Experience)