Keeping The Gloves On

Online Emotional Affairs

Mrs. Blue

Mr. Red


 

My EA Experience

Recently, I and Mr. R’s relationship was dangerously threatened – I had an online romance.

I never really took it seriously. For me, it was a fluke – it was between my imaginary, projected self and another guy on the net. Never planned to meet with him and never imagined that being together physically with him would be a reality.

It all happened so unexpectedly, too. At first it was just casual chat that led to more details in our lives, which in turn led for us to be involved deeper into each other’s affairs; and before I knew it, we were blowing kisses to each other. He tells me about his day and I release all of my stress onto him. It was a habitual and symbiotic love affair.

When Mr. R found out about it, he blew off.

At first it was flattering that he was red jealous with a guy in my head, who was just imaginary. But as he explained things to me further – his feelings were really crushed and the threat he felt from the other guy was as real as that from any other person. In short, he did not want to share me – my feelings and time, and yes, part of my life, with this person online. As I saw his devastation, I really felt bad that I made him go through all of that. He felt incompetent and insecure and suspicious. I understood I had to end it right then. I never hid anything from him and made sure that whenever I go online, especially when that person was online, he was always at my side. And I slowly cut ties. No person deserves such treatment, more so, your own spouse. An affair is an affair no matter the circumstance.

If it involves time, thoughts, feelings and details of your life – It is an affair.

Intimate details should only be shared strictly with your spouse and no one else. Even your frustrations, aspirations or even your schedule should only be made known with your partner. As his partner, I learned a lot from this mistake and the consequences that impacted my husband – the one I should be venting my problems at, spending my time, and blowing kisses with. To be able to have a healthy loving relationship, the first rule is only you and him; no one else. All other things will fall naturally into place.


 

What is an Emotional Affair?

An Emotional Affair (EA, for short) is just like your ordinary, harmful and treacherous affair minus the actual, physical sex act.

This can happen in the office, at school, at church, and in Mrs. Blue’s case, online.

It starts out with seemingly harmless friendship.  There is the thrill of discovery as you find out more and more about the habits, the likes and the dislikes, the strengths and weaknesses of the other person.  But unlike any other friendship, as more and more intimate details of each other’s life is shared, lines are crossed.

A few comforting words to the one who has just had a bad day, a smiley emoticon, and the assurance of morale support and before you know it, you find yourself blowing kisses and typing “hugs you tightly, and kisses you tenderly” in the chat window. You find yourself wanting to spend more and more time with your online friend than with your real life partner.

When I first found out about Mrs. Blue’s EA, I was shocked and in denial.  But the more I read their conversations, the more hurt I felt.  Why, every night, we would sit together – I would be watching TV and she would be playing with her friends on a flash-based, online community rpg.  I didn’t even suspect that she was already having a romantic liaison right before my eyes.

But there it was.  I was hurt, angry, jealous, suspicious and felt so helpless.  I gathered as much evidence as I can and confronted her with it.  Angry words were exchanged.  She’s a strong-willed woman.  The more I wanted it to stop, the more I felt helpless.  Was I justified in my jealousy?  Was it all just harmless, really?  Was I over-reacting?

No.

The Bible says that God is a jealous God.  Well, of course he is.  Is God justified in being jealous because people are worshiping a piece of wood, an idol that really is nothing in comparison to God?  Yes, he is.  Is He justified in being jealous when people worship a false god they just created and can see in their imagination?  Yes, He is justified.

Then, so am I.

Anything that comes between you and your spouse, whether online or offline, as long as it robs you of your time together, as long as it is done in secret, as long as you don’t want your partner involved in the “friendship,” that means you are having an emotional affair.  You must stop it before it’s too late.

I love Mrs. Blue.  I love her a lot.  And it is a good thing – no, it is a great thing, that our love for each other has proved itself to be true and strong.

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December 31, 2010 - Posted by | Married Life, Mr. Red, Mrs. Blue | , , , ,

3 Comments »

  1. this is a very well thought out blog and I would hope that many are helped and inspired by the devotion these two have put into this blog and their marriage! =,)

    Comment by Vicki | January 3, 2011 | Reply

  2. My wife had at least 2 emotional affairs (including sexting) over the last few years and I have been desperately trying to figure out how to deal with the loss of fidelity in our marriage. Mrs. Blue’s perception of her actions opened my eyes to a different way of viewing my wife’s indiscretion.

    Thank you for your honest and open account of your troubles. I really appreciate your sharing how Mr. Blue reacted and I hope to use his insight to win my wife back.
    Thank you!

    Comment by K. | October 12, 2011 | Reply

    • I’m glad that you have learned something from our experience. Wishing you and your wife the best….

      Comment by keepingthegloveson | November 9, 2011 | Reply


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