Keeping The Gloves On

Love Thy Partner

Mrs. Blue

 

Since this is a blog about partnership then I would like to start it with loving your better half. Here’s a famous sample vow: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my [opt: lawfully wedded] (husband/wife), my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

Some of you may have used this actual vow or made your own and however it was I am sure it meant so much between the two of you at your wedding day and I hope until this day. As the years go by I am hoping that you are as excited to hurry home and spend time with your spouse and family.

Talking with my spouse is one of the joyful benefits I share in our marriage. Going through the daily grind in life, it is comforting at the end of the day to talk with my husband. The conversations range from silly babbling to serious decisions or concerns, and mostly about the funny escapades of little Ms. Pink. Whether I am excited to share some great news or releasing my stress I am secure that he is always there to listen. I tell him everything, his opinion matters so much to me; he eases out my insecurities and understands my fears. Our decisions are a process of talking things through, weighing and sharing our responsibility together.

It touches a nerve whenever I hear – “I’m still talking to my wife even when she has passed away”. I don’t even want to think that either one of us would die soon but the line resonates how much a couple feels about each other. Marriage is sharing everything, going through everything together and I think that is what God says “and the two shall become one flesh” Mark 10:8a

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February 7, 2011 Posted by | Family, Married Life, Mrs. Blue, Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment

Little Miss Pink

Mrs. Blue

 

Little Ms. Pink

I mentioned earlier that we have a little daughter.  We have decided to call her Ms. Pink or simply Ms. P – she is thrilled with the nick.  Since the blog is also a testimony of our life ,it is expected that Ms. P would be an integral part of the blog.

Current ambition – Chef

Difficult subject – Filipino

Challenging feat at the moment – saying words with ‘th’ since she lost all four front teeth

Favorite game: Spongebob (TV show also)

Your world is a hue of pastels in gold and pink and lavender blue
Your eyes are deep innocence
Your kisses the lightest of a butterfly’s wings
Your laughter the chimes of cherubs
Your cry as fresh as the new sunshine

We love you so much it feels like our hearts will break
You believe in magic but you are the magic
In your world of pastel hues of gold and pink and lavender blue
We are lost as we enter anew

 

January 7, 2011 Posted by | Little Miss Pink, Married Life, Mrs. Blue | | Leave a comment

Poisons and Passions

Mrs. Blue

Mr. Red


What’s your poison?

I know this topic is going to be a challenge for Mr. Red since he has no known poison. Out of curiosity I would like to know if he would write a mirror post on this. We have agreed when we started this blog that we would blog side by side on some topics but on some other interests we can blog it individually – like I don’t know he might want to blog briefs or boxers and I can blog about menstrual cramps. But at the main blogs we agreed to give a point of view on each side.

Like I said, he has no vices at all. He doesn’t drink, smoke, doesn’t do drugs and does not even like beer. We are totally on opposite poles on this.  I on the other hand had done or tasted all of the above and liked doing it at that time.  I never hid it from him but when we got together, I promised that I wouldn’t do any of those vices from then on. A little beer he allows or some wine and it’s understandable. I was curious at first at how square one could get; but, like he simply put it – it’s not that he was pressured into not doing it. For him it just wasn’t fun.

Which brings me back to my question – what is your poison?


My passions are my poisons.

Mrs. Blue is right.  I never was predisposed to drugs, cigarettes and alcohol.  For the life of me I honestly don’t know why.  Maybe it’s because I disliked seeing people act when they’re drunk, coughing while smoking, or not being in control of their speech or actions when they’re high.

Instead of indulging myself with the mentioned vices, I enjoy myself with my passions.  Which is probably a good advice to those who are suffering from alcoholism, smoking and drug addiction.  I enjoy playing chess, playing with my guitar, and spending hours on video games.

Ahhh, but looking at what I have just typed, it seems that overindulging in my passions could lead to a form of addiction itself.  I think that’s why the Apostle Paul said that everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.  Overindulging in one’s passions can lead to an unbalanced life, much like indulging in the aforementioned vices.

Which brings me to my last passion – girls.  But with Mrs. Blue around, (and I’m not sure if this is grammatically correct), she is all the women I need.

January 6, 2011 Posted by | Married Life, Mr. Red, Mrs. Blue | , , | Leave a comment

Modern Families

Mrs. Blue

Mr. Red


 

Changing roles in fast times

Most have grown up or have been led to think that a family consists of a dad, mom and kids. At the start of the day mom cooks breakfast, everybody sits down, then kids and the dad troop out to go to school and office.  Mom gives everyone a kiss, rosy cheeks and all.  I’ve got nothing against this norm; in fact, it’s what everybody’s been patterning their family into.  In our case, it isn’t ‘normal’ at all given that scenario.  I go to work, as in wake up and do the whole 9-hour shift and at very odd hours; so you can throw the cheeky breakfast out too.  My dear Mr. Red takes care of the kid, does the household chores, runs the errands but plays the PS3 instead of watching soap operas.  Mr. R gets projects via work at home jobs until he gets a steady employer.  It’s been the set up ever since our little girl came; not that we planned it.  Just like everything else we were thrown into it.

I know of some other families with different arrangements – kids staying with second of kin, single parents, mixed marriages, interracial, long distance family relationships, extended families, etc.  Yet we cope as a basic unit.  It’s still family and in the end it’s our home.  Doesn’t matter if it’s a dozen or just a tandem – you will find your heart with family.  It is true when they say that you get to choose your friends but not your family; I believe there is a good reason for that.  In the sum of things, who you are – whether you would admit to it or not, the most influential people is your kin.  It is your first intimate encounter with relationships.  With that, I am hoping to find you in a “normal” relationship with your own family.

 


 

Families – at home, at work and online

As Mrs. Blue has intimated, the structure of the modern family is far more complicated today than the traditional model.

Families who own and operate their own businesses are not rare.  Since the dawn of time, fathers have been known to pass down to their sons and daughters their skills and trade.  But since the advent of the industrial age all the way to our modern informational, digital age, there have been great changes.  Sure, there are still those who want to pass on their skills and trades to their children; like doctors encouraging their daughters to become doctors themselves; lawyer parents trying to inspire a son to become a well-known and well-respected lawyer, etc.  There are also those who own good businesses that have survived through the generations and will undoubtedly continue to do so.

But what I find very interesting is a family working as employees for one company.  I’ve heard that there is a family, composed of a father, mother, sons and daughters who work for this one particular corporation.  Wow!  Imagine seeing them happily eating their lunch at the cafeteria!  It’s just a wonderful to know that family unity and love can be seen at the workplace.

The internet and social media sites also have changed the way family members interact with each other.  It’s just magnificent to see a mother commenting on a daughter’s picture from Brazil, a son’s video from Japan, all posted on Facebook.  They’re not together, and yet not really apart.

Families.  There indeed have been changes through the years, yet the love within stays the same.

 

January 4, 2011 Posted by | Married Life, Mr. Red, Mrs. Blue | , | Leave a comment

My Online Emotional Affair–How We Survived It

Mrs. Blue

 

How it Started

The online EA started when I was playing this game via FB. It was a team game and I was getting to be good friends with a particular group. It was still a healthy game when I was chatting and just playing. To get help with it, I picked someone from the group that was good at that game – and he was a guy. At first, it was just sort of a mentoring kind of relationship to get my game better. Eventually we were spending more time with each other than with the group. Then it became personal when we started sharing details about our own lives. I was spending more and more time with this person. I was looking forward to our time together and before I knew it, we weren’t just saying good night politely but it started with a heart emoticon. Next thing I knew we were blowing kisses at one another and the emotional floodgates opened and it became an online emotional affair.

The Confrontation

When I was first confronted by my partner I was clueless as to where he was coming from. I adamantly maintained my innocence. I was thinking he was joking about the whole thing. I was thinking even when my “friendship” with this other guy was going on, my marriage was still great. We were still having great sex and still very much affectionate with one another. In the next weeks that i would go online and my husband would ask about the other guy online I would get so annoyed and we started to fight about it. I claimed it wasn’t for real. For me at that time it was just a person who I was flirting and enjoying playing games with. We were now arguing every time I got online and I saw that he was getting devastated by what I was doing. I started to feel guilty and bad because my “real” relationship was going bad over my fake one. I felt resentful also for my husband not being to understand that it was harmless; yet I felt that I craved talking to this other person. Whenever I went online then, he would leave. He couldn’t stand being in the same room. He said he couldn’t take me screwing with another person while he was in the same room. I was still making excuses. I was now telling my online partner about my problems at work and he was so supportive. I never brought home my problems from work because I did not want to stress my husband about it.

The Last Straw

One day my husband finally laid it down on me hard. He gave a detailed rundown on why it was hurting him and he begged me to end my affair and get back to him; to how in love we were with each other. He made me choose between him and the other guy.
It wasn’t so hard to choose for me. I really love my husband but it was really hard ending the affair. I realized how hurt my husband was and I knew that I had to end the affair. It was hard because I was so dependent on the other guy. I needed to tell him my problems, I needed to feel him caring for me, I needed him listening to me and him talking to me. I realized then it was an affair because our feelings for one another was so real. When you start thinking about being together with him physically, then your real marriage is in trouble. We were even starting to have “plans.”

The Way Out

The first step I believe is the confrontation and making your wife realize how hurt you are and how much it is destroying your marriage. The second is, you have to make her realize she has to choose. As long as I thought my husband could take it – I wouldn’t have stopped. The third and most important part is her support from you. My husband didn’t push me, instead he supported me – he prodded and listened to the things I needed and enjoyed with this other man. When he knew I was talking about my problems – he wanted to know them and help me with my problems at work. He was more gentle and patient and attentive to my every need. The less dependent i was of the other man, the more I became convinced that it wasn’t fair to any of us. The thing I also appreciated much from my husband was he still trusted me even when i had already betrayed him and that he never involved anyone else with our problem. I know if he involved any other of our friends or relatives I would have reacted differently – more defensive and it would be harder to resolve the conflict. He was just patient and waiting and was there all the time. At times when I felt he wanted to fight with me he courted me instead. I felt so guilty, my husband didn’t need to do this but he won me back by proving he loved me that much and our marriage was worth fighting for. The communication was also constant – it’s also essential because my husband did not only know things but we both realized what was lacking in our marriage. Don’t stop talking even when you’re both emotional and confrontational because at least things will get exposed. Then after patiently waiting he asked when I was going to end it – we pegged a specific date and planned how to end it.

In our case since my online guy was also jealous and suspicious, we had to be careful. We decided to close my FB account without him detecting anything. We started telling all my friends that I was deleting my account and opening a better one. We started migrating “chosen friends” – we made sure we did not include friends that knew the other guy. When the day came I went online like any other day and when we said goodbye we deleted my account.

A Stronger Union

Up to this day I never went back. i still think about it but my husband is all I need. I had cut all communication with him and ended it. Today our marriage is a stronger and we learned a lot from that experience that improved our relationship for the better.

(To view an earlier related post by me and my husband, click here.)

(In keeping with the spirit of Keeping The Gloves On, I kept the gloves on. – Mr. Red)

January 3, 2011 Posted by | Married Life, Mrs. Blue | , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Boyfriend is My Husband/My Girlfriend is My Wife

Mrs. Blue

Mr. Red


 

The Boyfriend Experience (BFE)

No matter the length of a relationship – romance is a big factor in a couple’s life. As the years go by we get familiar with our spouses and sadly take them for granted. To guard against stagnation and the dragging routine of everyday life, a couple needs to experience those same feelings and motions like at the start of the relationship.  Courtship and romance go hand in hand and it can be done even when couples have been together for a year, 10 years or even a hundred; with small children, teens or even with grandchildren; in good financial standing or even eating the crumbs from the cookie jar. Your romantic liaison with one another should never be shaken. Your partner should always be as a fresh rose every morning of every day. That tempting red juicy apple that had stirred you of your inhibitions and made you do things you had only imagined should always be within reach.

I have heard somewhere that: “Men fall in love with their eyes and women with their ears.” My husband, no matter how he tries to flatter me. “Honey, you look really sexy today!” or “I just want to tear your clothes!” He still stirs something in me and still makes me flush at his words. He still croons melodies and sweet nothings in my ear. He used to buy me food, now he cooks – and this is a sure winner for me 🙂

He never fails to kiss and hug me every time I come home or go off to work. We lick chocolate and stuff off each other’s fingers.

The sexual tension. Sometimes I even catch him looking lovingly at me when I sleep, with drool and snoring and all. When we can, we date and when we can’t, we make it up with great sex. This is the boyfriend experience any wife needs – attentive, sweet, always ready to comfort you, eager to kiss you all over, eyes that hunger for you. Surely, no wife cannot resist but to fall in love with her boyfriend/husband over and over again, everyday.

 


 

The Girlfriend Experience (GFE)

GFE stands for Girl Friend Experience.  Often, when a man hires a prostitute, the girl merely goes through the sex act without any emotion, most of the time simply laying down and let’s the man does his thing.  To her, she is simply providing a service.  She doesn’t have to like it.  A prostitute who offers GFE however, interacts with you.  She laughs at your jokes, asks about your day, flirts with you, touches you sympathetically as you share your problems, in short – she pretends to be your girlfriend for the time you hired her.  A film directed by Steven Soderbergh starring adult film star Sasha Gray was released in 2009 with the said title, “The Girlfriend Experience.”

What does this mean for men?

It means that many men really want companionship together with sex.  They don’t want a robot or some anatomically correct, adjustable, customizable doll made from Japan (though there are men who prefer those).  The bottom line is that sex just for the sake of sexual gratification is not enough.  Men need meaningful relationships with women.  Men with their seemingly stern façade really have tender hearts within.

Men don’t need to look far.

Men don’t need to hire an escort/prostitute to have a GFE.  They just need to go out there and look for the girl who’s right for them, if they’re single that is.

Married men, on the other hand, already have their wives.  Make them your confidant, your best friend.  If you’ve lost that spark in your marriage, just treat her like your girlfriend from way back in college.  Tickle her, kiss her, confide in her and watch the flames of romance ignite once more.

Also, don’t be afraid to tell your sexual preferences and fetishes to your wife.  You might be surprised at what she may be willing to do for you.  Give her enough time and money to go shopping so  you both can enjoy a good romantic meal, share stories while appreciating her new hairdo, and watch and enjoy her as she teases you flaunting her newly-bought classy dress and her fishnet lingerie.

Don’t just let your wife be your wife, let her be your girlfriend too!

(By the way, BFE means Boyfriend Experience)

 

January 3, 2011 Posted by | Married Life, Mr. Red, Mrs. Blue | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Online Emotional Affairs

Mrs. Blue

Mr. Red


 

My EA Experience

Recently, I and Mr. R’s relationship was dangerously threatened – I had an online romance.

I never really took it seriously. For me, it was a fluke – it was between my imaginary, projected self and another guy on the net. Never planned to meet with him and never imagined that being together physically with him would be a reality.

It all happened so unexpectedly, too. At first it was just casual chat that led to more details in our lives, which in turn led for us to be involved deeper into each other’s affairs; and before I knew it, we were blowing kisses to each other. He tells me about his day and I release all of my stress onto him. It was a habitual and symbiotic love affair.

When Mr. R found out about it, he blew off.

At first it was flattering that he was red jealous with a guy in my head, who was just imaginary. But as he explained things to me further – his feelings were really crushed and the threat he felt from the other guy was as real as that from any other person. In short, he did not want to share me – my feelings and time, and yes, part of my life, with this person online. As I saw his devastation, I really felt bad that I made him go through all of that. He felt incompetent and insecure and suspicious. I understood I had to end it right then. I never hid anything from him and made sure that whenever I go online, especially when that person was online, he was always at my side. And I slowly cut ties. No person deserves such treatment, more so, your own spouse. An affair is an affair no matter the circumstance.

If it involves time, thoughts, feelings and details of your life – It is an affair.

Intimate details should only be shared strictly with your spouse and no one else. Even your frustrations, aspirations or even your schedule should only be made known with your partner. As his partner, I learned a lot from this mistake and the consequences that impacted my husband – the one I should be venting my problems at, spending my time, and blowing kisses with. To be able to have a healthy loving relationship, the first rule is only you and him; no one else. All other things will fall naturally into place.


 

What is an Emotional Affair?

An Emotional Affair (EA, for short) is just like your ordinary, harmful and treacherous affair minus the actual, physical sex act.

This can happen in the office, at school, at church, and in Mrs. Blue’s case, online.

It starts out with seemingly harmless friendship.  There is the thrill of discovery as you find out more and more about the habits, the likes and the dislikes, the strengths and weaknesses of the other person.  But unlike any other friendship, as more and more intimate details of each other’s life is shared, lines are crossed.

A few comforting words to the one who has just had a bad day, a smiley emoticon, and the assurance of morale support and before you know it, you find yourself blowing kisses and typing “hugs you tightly, and kisses you tenderly” in the chat window. You find yourself wanting to spend more and more time with your online friend than with your real life partner.

When I first found out about Mrs. Blue’s EA, I was shocked and in denial.  But the more I read their conversations, the more hurt I felt.  Why, every night, we would sit together – I would be watching TV and she would be playing with her friends on a flash-based, online community rpg.  I didn’t even suspect that she was already having a romantic liaison right before my eyes.

But there it was.  I was hurt, angry, jealous, suspicious and felt so helpless.  I gathered as much evidence as I can and confronted her with it.  Angry words were exchanged.  She’s a strong-willed woman.  The more I wanted it to stop, the more I felt helpless.  Was I justified in my jealousy?  Was it all just harmless, really?  Was I over-reacting?

No.

The Bible says that God is a jealous God.  Well, of course he is.  Is God justified in being jealous because people are worshiping a piece of wood, an idol that really is nothing in comparison to God?  Yes, he is.  Is He justified in being jealous when people worship a false god they just created and can see in their imagination?  Yes, He is justified.

Then, so am I.

Anything that comes between you and your spouse, whether online or offline, as long as it robs you of your time together, as long as it is done in secret, as long as you don’t want your partner involved in the “friendship,” that means you are having an emotional affair.  You must stop it before it’s too late.

I love Mrs. Blue.  I love her a lot.  And it is a good thing – no, it is a great thing, that our love for each other has proved itself to be true and strong.

December 31, 2010 Posted by | Married Life, Mr. Red, Mrs. Blue | , , , , | 3 Comments